The Gratitude Paradox — Nicole O'Meara

Today marks the last day of 30 Days of Gratitude, a perspective-shifting challenge I participated in with some friends. It was lovely and good but something unexpected happened along the way.

Yes, I loved marking the goodness of God in my everyday by writing those blessings down and sharing them with others. Some of my friends remarked that looking for things to be grateful for changed the way they went through their days. I loved that. Community is always the best way to experience God’s goodness, yes?

Gratitude and the “Should-s”

God’s goodness did overwhelm me, nearly every day. I expected to find God’s blessings as I hunted for them daily and I was not disappointed. But I also felt, at times, less than overwhelmed by God grace. I worried that I was unable to be grateful to the depth that I ought to. I didn’t like that feeling. I didn’t know what to do about it. Also, it felt incongruous with the whole concept of gratitude. Then I read an interesting article by Jon Bloom at desiringgod.org that illuminated my conflict.

First, Jon clearly articulates why we love gratitude. It is humble and obedient. It is the perspective shift we desire, the shift that is good for our souls.

“The very practice of giving thanks directs our soul’s attention away from what burdens us toward the great Source of unearned, undeserved, powerful, abounding, and sustaining grace (2 Corinthians 9:8). Giving thanks also helps us see that grace with fresh awareness and renewed hope and joy. That’s what thanksgiving is for: to both give God the glory he deserves (Psalm 29:2) and to lift yokes from us that feel so heavy in order that we might receive joyful rest for our souls (Matthew 11:28–29).”

Then, Jon turns the conversation by telling us what thanksgiving is NOT for. Thanksgiving is NOT for spurring us on to obedience to God.

What?! If gratitude isn’t to spur us to obedience, what IS gratitude for? Jon instructs us to let gratitude fuel our faith.

A Debt of Gratitude

You’ve heard the phrase, “I owe him a debt of gratitude.” My friends and I talked about that phrase. It seems appropriate in situations when we cannot possibly repay someone’s kindness. For example, there is no way I can repay my closest friends for all that they did for me and my family last year while I was in the hospital. It would be impossible and slightly insulting to try. I must owe them a debt of gratitude.

Then there are situations in which it would be completely inappropriate to even assume we could repay a kindness, a grace. For example, Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. He alone could pay our sin penalty. We will forever owe him a debt of gratitude and no gratitude we feel will ever match the weight of his loving sacrifice. What we do about that says a lot about how we view gratitude. We can let our debt of gratitude motivate us to love and adore God for loving us enough to plot out a rescue plan on our behalf or we can become slaves to our gratitude and obey the scriptures out of guilt because of the price Jesus paid on our behalf.

We either let gratitude build our faith and adoration or we let gratitude burden us with guilt, driving our behavior without grace.

Friend, I don’t know about you, but in my life I’ve done both. I have tried to check every box and be the good Christian girl I thought I should be because the price Jesus paid on the cross was steep and I just wanted to measure up. But I couldn’t. And that was a heavy, soul-crushing burden.

Once I really, truly, understood that God sent his son to earth as a fragile baby for the sole purpose of growing up to die a horrific death (Matt 1:21; Eph 1:7), all because he loved me before I did one single beautiful thing (Romans 5:8), well, that changed everything for me. That was all the fuel I needed to adore God with every cell in my body. I am so grateful that he loved me first. Before I loved him. Yes, I do want to obey his Word, but now it is because of love. With every new display of his grace, my love and gratitude grows and with it so does my faith.

“Here is what it means to love God. We love him by obeying his commands.” - 1 John 5:3

Give Thanks and Move On

I’m grateful for every blessing, big and small, and I don’t want to miss even one. I want to mark them all down and shout thanksgiving to the heavens. That’s why I loved spending 30 days focusing on gratitude. But I do not shout thanksgiving out of some religious “should” swirling in my head. I shout thanksgiving out of love. Big, loud, love.

There will always be days when I do not feel grateful enough. Honestly, can anyone be grateful enough for the grace God pours out on us with every breath we breathe? No. We can’t. When I feel that I may not be grateful enough, when the “should-s” start swirling in my head again, I remember that God’s love is too big for me to ever thank him enough. I stop right there, give thanks big and loud, pray that he receives it and I move on. Because it’s not about me and how well I thank him or how deeply I feel grateful. It’s about him and all that he has done for me out of love. I remind myself that he loves me no matter how big my thanks are and I trust that he won’t stop. God is always faithful. Yes and amen.

Friend, I encourage you to let go of the should-s and let gratitude fuel your faith and adoration. It will fill your love-bucket in ways you cannot imagine.

Do you have a friend who needs to read this? I would appreciate it if you’d send them a link. Thanks.

Can we be email friends? I would love to send you encouragement like this once a week.

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