Entwined Together: Receiving the Gift of Community {+ Book Review}

Life with chronic illness can feel like endless hard days. You may feel stuck, or like meaning and purpose will have to wait for when the demands on you and your weak body are less, and time and resources are available again. But I am convinced that we can live full of joy and purpose even in the midst of chronic illness.

That’s what But I Flourish is all about. This book is based on the statement King David made in the midst of adversity: "But I flourish." These three words made author, Aimée Walker realize she didn't need to wait for circumstances to change - she could flourish now. And so can you.

But I Flourish was written by my co-laborer at Joyful Life Magazine, Aimée Walker. I asked her to share a bit of encouragement from her book. I know you’ll be blessed by it.

“I don’t want to be a burden. I’m tired of always being the one who needs help…” her voice trailed off as she explained to me why she hadn’t reached out to her friends for support after her husband’s health had continued to decline.

I knew her friends wouldn’t see it the way she did—that they would want to come alongside her and support her as she walked through this valley season. But I understood. I’d felt the same myself, more times than I could count. When my own husband had been depressed and unemployed and we hadn’t been able to keep up with our mounting expenses, I, too, had withdrawn from community believing the lie that I was too much. My problems too big, too heavy to ask anyone to carry with me.

But time and time again, God has spoken truth into these lies, inviting me to find strength not only in His presence, but also in the community of believers.

THE INVITATION TO GROW IN COMMUNITY

In Psalm 52 and 92, the growth of God’s people is compared to that of three trees: the olive tree, the palm tree, and the cedars of Lebanon. Each of these trees have unique qualities we can glean from, but they also extend to us a common invitation: to grow by planting ourselves in the “House of the Lord” (Psalm 52:8 & 92:13). A rich image of community and belonging, the Hebrew word used for ‘house’ in both psalms, is the word, bayith, which in addition to meaning ‘a house or dwelling,’ was also used to refer to ‘a family or members of one household,’ and in relation to the temple as a whole. It is an invitation to dwell both with God and with His people—not as strangers, but as family.

Olive trees are usually found growing together in groves, and palm trees grow best when they are planted by other palm trees—it is only when they are together that an oasis is created. Water springs up nearby and their collective strength enables younger plants to grow up underneath their shade.

Similarly, the cedars of Lebanon grew close together, forming vast forests that stretched for hundreds of kilometres. Often when trees grow close to other trees, their branches stretch out in the opposite direction and all their growth ends up on one side, but the cedars of Lebanon extend their branches toward one another, becoming entwined together as they grow. If you cut one down, there will be visible gaps in the remaining tree. They remind us of our own need for one another, and the gaps that exist in our lives when we try and ‘go it alone.’

ALLOWING OTHERS TO BRING STRENGTH TO OUR JOURNEY

While studying the life of David and the three trees referenced in Psalm 52 and 92, I was struck by the role community played in David’s life. From the band of mighty men who travelled with him during his years of exile, to the military leaders who advised him, to the prophet Nathan who held him accountable and wasn’t afraid to have the tough conversations, to his friendship with King Saul’s son, Jonathan, community helped shaped David into the king he became. His gifts were maximised and his weaknesses strengthened because of the presence of other men in his life. And community can bring this same beauty to our own lives if we will allow it to.

Although a famed friendship, there are only a few brief interactions between David and Jonathan recorded for us in Scripture. One of these has always stood out to me. In 1 Samuel 23, King Saul continues to pursue David seeking to kill him. Jonathan sneaks away from his father for a period to go to David and we’re told he “helped him find strength in God” (v.16), counselling him: “Don’t be afraid. My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this” (v.17).

In a time where David was discouraged, fearful, and likely weary of uncertainty, Jonathan came alongside him and reminded him of what God had planned for him. He spoke truth and promised to champion David in his call. But ultimately, he pointed David back to where his true strength lay: in God.

The word used for ‘strength’ was the Hebrew word chazaq. It conveyed the idea of fastening oneself to something to become strong and was frequently used in relation to difficult circumstances that called for a courageous response. In a time of weakness, Jonathan helped David connect with the only One who could truly provide the strength and courage he needed for what he faced. A few chapters over, we’re told that when even his own men had turned against him, David “strengthened himself in the Lord” (1 Samuel 30:6, ESV). When there was no one nearby he could turn to, David knew how to ‘fasten’ himself to the Lord because of what Jonathan had done for him.

When I think of what it is to have a ‘Jonathan’ in my life, two girlfriends in particular spring to mind. We first met when dating our husbands who were flatting together—but it’s our friendships that have continued through the decades. We’ve ignored the messes in one another’s homes, drinking coffee and swapping tales of sleepless nights and toddler antics.We’ve traded emojis about parenting teens, challenged one another to stay faithful and keep loving when we haven’t particularly even liked our husbands, and helped each other prayerfully navigate our careers. Our physical locations don’t always allow for face-to face contact, but we make the most of technology and have a running text chat where we can ask for prayer and keep each other updated on what’s happening. When life is overwhelming, or I feel inadequate for the task before me and doubt who I am, these are the women I turn to. I know that when they say they’ll pray for me, they really will—and that while they’ll empathise with my struggles, they will not allow me to wallow there. They will not allow me to shrink back from who God is calling me to be or what He is asking me to do, but will lend me their strength to help me get back up and keep moving forward.

We all need friends like this in our lives—friends who remind us of who God is, who cause us to look upwards and not be overcome by our circumstances, friends who call forth what God has spoken over our lives and strengthen us to keep contending. But as much as we need them, we must also be them.

LENDING STRENGTH TO OTHERS

Jonathan’s willingness to come alongside David was really quite exceptional—if we’re honest, had we been in his position, we likely would have seen David as an enemy and not a friend. After all, Jonathan was Saul’s rightful heir. And yet he didn’t. 1 Samuel 18:1 (TLV) tells us that his “soul was knit to David’s soul, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” This love meant that rather than seeing David as competition, Jonathon was freed to see them as being united in purpose—David’s success was also his success. And for the duration of their friendship, he was a loyal and faithful friend, continually championing the call on David’s life. How can we do the same?

The apostle Paul gives us a key in Philippians 2:

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” - Philippians 2:1-4

It is out of our connection to Christ, the truth of His love for us, and the comforting work of the Holy Spirit, that the ability to have ‘the same love’ springs. Only when we know the depths of Christ’s love for us and are secure in who we are in Him, are we able to follow His example, forsaking selfish ambition and setting aside our status, rights, and preferences, to serve and care for the interests of others (Philippians 2:5-8). As we do so, we not only serve one another, but we serve God, by building up His people, and enabling one another to flourish.

Yes, living loved enables us to sincerely come alongside others, but it also reminds us that we, too, are worthy to receive from them. We (and our problems) are not ‘too much,’ for we are precious sons and daughters whose lives and struggles matter very much to our Father. That’s why He chose to position us in a family that we might find the connections we need to draw upon His plentiful provisions for the journey.

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The woman I counselled that day, took my advice and stopped retreating from friendship and community. In doing so, she found the support she needed to keep growing in a challenging season. And you can too. Don’t shrink back from connection. Look for those with whom you need to entwine your ‘branches,’ stretch toward them and find your strength in the Lord together.

Looking for others who are learning to flourish in the midst of chronic illness?

Join me and other faith-filled women living with Rare & Chronic Illness in my FREE Group. We’ll help each other choose joy and flourish, today and every day. I’d love to see you there.

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