God in the Age of Compassion Fatigue
Have you read any of the recent reports of doctors and nurses suffering from Compassion Fatigue as they care for COVID patients? Reports like this one, this one, and this one. It’s a serious problem and needs careful consideration.
What, you’ve never heard of Compassion Fatigue? Well, neither had I until recently, but it’s a real thing.
WHAT IS COMPASSION FATIGUE?
Compassion Fatigue is defined as a condition characterized by emotional, physical, and spiritual exhaustion leading to a diminished ability to empathize or feel compassion for others. It is not a disease; it is a set of symptoms, most notably exhaustion, depression, a strong feeling of helplessness, and chronic stress. U.S. News reported, “It is not an aberration or a mental illness, just the normal human reaction to experiencing traumatic events over a period of time.”
Oddly, it’s the most compassionate people who are most at risk of experiencing Compassion Fatigue. That may be partly due to the likelihood that a compassionate person will choose a career in a compassionate field. For those of you who enjoy personality tests, think of your Enneagram 2’s or your F’s in the Myers-Briggs (xxFx). Consequently, you are most likely to experience Compassion Fatigue if you are a caregiver in roles such as doctors & nurses, school teachers, foster/adoptive parents, therapists, pastors & chaplains, and family caregivers. COVID has brought Compassion Fatigue to the headlines because so many of these caregivers are burning-out from it. These people put their lives on the line daily and wear themselves out doing it.
Since learning about Compassion Fatigue, I have not been able to stop thinking about what life would be like for all of us without compassionate caregivers. Perhaps that is because I have spent so many days in hospitals in utter dependence on doctors, nurses, and respiratory therapists. Anyone who has been in a hospital bed or sat in an uncomfortable chair beside a loved one in a hospital bed knows what I’m talking about. Not only do we not want our caregivers to experience Compassion Fatigue, we don’t want to live life without compassionate caregivers!
LIFE WITHOUT COMPASSIONATE CAREGIVERS
As a person living with a life-threatening chronic illness, I worry that my friends and family will suffer from Compassion Fatigue as they care for me. It’s a constant worry, not rooted in anything anyone has said or done, but rooted in fear. When my lungs bleed, there is nothing I can do to help myself. I fear being in a position of having to get help for myself and I fear what happens next for my family if I am unable to care for them. There have been seasons when I didn’t worry much about living without compassionate caregivers but that was before we understood the severity and never-endingness of my undiagnosed bleeding disorder. Nowadays, this worry is an ever-present companion.
During the crisis with my lungs, my husband regularly needed to go a friend’s house and sit on their couch to take a breath and be filled up in his body and spirit. Even my mom, a retired Emergency Room nurse, needed to take breaks from being my caregiver. It took an entire team of friends to feed and educate my kids. No person could do all the caregiving, all the time. They all had limits.
It’s not as simple as telling myself it will never happen, that my support network will never experience Compassion Fatigue. My husband, my mom, and my friends are the best, the VERY BEST, but they are human with lives and responsibilities of their own. They have limits. It could happen and I don’t want to know what that would look like.
I don’t want to live life without compassionate caregivers. I don’t think anyone does.
RUNNING OUT OF COMPASSION
In a sense, every one of us is a compassionate caregiver if we are in relationships that we care about. Our friends and family will need us at times and don’t we all love to be there to lend a hand or give a hug when it’s needed? I’m sure you’d agree that besides not wanting our caregivers to run out of compassion, we also don’t want to run out of compassion ourselves as we care for the ones we love. Especially in this time of COVID, it feels as if the need for compassion is higher, more constant, and coming from every direction. Now more than ever, I want to have a steady supply of compassion for everyone I love. And yet, I feel at the edge of my limit almost all the time.
As a mother with children who come from hard places, the demand for compassion in our house is constant. Chris and I must respond to meltdowns and emotional dysregulation almost daily. There were years when we weren’t good at it. Thankfully, we are learning to keep our own emotions regulated and to steadily respond with compassion. It also helps that we have people in our corner who also respond with compassion.
The pandemic has made this harder. Our support system came to a halt as we quarantined ourselves and sheltered in place. Because of my lungs, we have taken “Stay Home” very seriously which has isolated us from most of the supportive help we used to receive as we care for our adopted kids. So, we are left with our own limited supply of compassion to spread out between our children, each other and our friends. I have cried buckets during the pandemic and I really don’t know how many days those tears have been because of Compassion Fatigue. I don’t want to run out of compassion but I do.
And so, not only do I fear life without compassionate caregivers, I also fear life without compassion. The only way I have found to deal with these worries is to take them to God. I regularly, sometimes hourly, pour out my fear to God and let him calm my soul. And he does calm me. Despite the reality of Compassion Fatigue, there is so much hope for the future. Let me share with you what He has been showing me.
GOD’S LIMITLESS COMPASSION
Compassion Fatigue is real because humans are limited. No matter how kind and compassionate a person is, no matter how healthy their self-care routines are, every person has a limit to their compassion. And no matter how much we love our family and friends and want to be there for them, we are human and have limits. Our bucket of compassion has a bottom and once it’s empty, it’s empty.
But God is infinite. As an infinite being, every attribute of God is infinite. That means His love has no end (Eph 3:19). His wisdom is limitless (Rom 16:27; Ps 147:5; Prov 2:6; James 1:5). His power cannot be contained (Job 36:22-24). And His compassion will never run out (Ps 116:5; Lam 3:32; James 5:11). 2 Corinthians 1:3 goes so far as to call Him, “the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort.” God will never experience Compassion Fatigue.
I have to tell you, this has been a huge relief to me. Reality tells me that there may come a day when my caregivers will run out of compassion and will need to take a break to refill their compassion bucket. There may be many days when I run out of compassion myself and need to stop to replenish with some healthy habits to stay resilient. But if or when that happens, I have a relationship with the Father of Compassion who will never run out of compassion for me. I can receive compassion from him whenever I need it. I can ask to be filled with his compassion when I need it.
God’s infinite compassion lets me release my worry of wearing out my friends and family. It has helped me extend grace to myself when I have run out of compassion with my children. It has encouraged me to reach out to God for renewed compassion, like tapping into a well that is so deep I cannot see the bottom of it.
Friends, if COVID is wearing you out… if the recent fires and hurricanes have drained the last drops of your compassion dry… if your marriage or your children regularly demand more compassion than you have capacity to hold… breathe. You don’t have to to do this alone. Reach out to your infinite God and ask him to replenish you with HIS compassion.
HEALTHY HABITS TO FIGHT COMPASSION FATIGUE
For those of you who are also feeling at your limit, I learned a few Handy Hints to help fight Compassion Fatigue. These things are what the professionals recommend but I must tell you that to be most effective, it would be good to turn these Handy Hints into Healthy Habits. It’s good self-care, friends.
Talk to Someone. Find a trusted friend or counselor to share your burden with regularly. You could also journal your thoughts and feelings and pray them out to God. Personally, I do both.
Set Boundaries. If it’s work, leave it at work. If you can’t, talk with your boss about ways she/he can support you in this time. If it’s your marriage or your kids needing your compassion, set regular times to take a break. Get a sitter. Talk with a therapist. Prioritize those times and put them on the calendar so that it is protected time. Read the book, Boundaries.
Sleep. This is a big one for me. Insomnia or just crummy sleep is a symptom of CF and getting good sleep is an important factor in fighting it. Set regular bed times. Don’t watch screens for a half hour before that. If needed, talk with your doctor about temporarily taking some sleep medicine.
Nourishment. This is two-fold. Eat and drink well. I recently learned that stressed kids need a snack and water every two hours to keep their minds calmed. I’m guessing that’s true for stressed adults too. But don’t just feel your body, feed your soul too. Spend time in God’s word daily. If life is too crazy to sit with your Bible at a set time each day, try signing up for a devotion to be sent to your inbox daily like this one or try the Dwell app which reads scripture aloud. Turn that on as you make breakfast, take a walk, or drive to school each day.
Physical Activity. Get out and walk, ride, run, surf… whatever it is you enjoy most. Being outside kicks in some really nice neurochemicals. Getting your heart rate up kicks in more neurochemicals. It’s a win-win people.
Be Social. As an introvert, I have loved staying home during the pandemic. But even I have to say, I am missing my friends. Call, text, Zoom… whatever it takes. Get some friend time and do some laughing! There is health and healing when we share our burdens and laughing with friends.
17 Quick Resources for You
These articles and podcasts will take you from discouraged to hopeful in 0-30 minutes (depending on what you pick). These resources will help you find hope, right now.
