The Spoon Theory & The One Spoon That Matters Most
Have you heard or seen the hashtag #spoonies around social media? It’s a helpful label for those living with chronic illness and has an interesting history. But I’m not in love with it. I’ll tell you why.
THE SPOON THEORY
It all began with two friends, one healthy and one living with lupus. The one with lupus, Christine Miserandino, was trying to explain what it feels like to live with lupus.
Christine gave her healthy friend 12 spoons and asked her to list the activities she does during her typical day. With each activity, Christine took away a spoon. Soon, the spoons were gone but the list of activities kept going.
This was an excellent visual aid to show that having lupus meant Christine’s energy had a finite limit, one that was much lower than her healthy friend. She needed to be cautious to ration out her activities each day so that she didn’t run out of energy.
Christine took the analogy one step further and explained that if she went beyond her limit, she was borrowing from the next day’s spoons and would therefore begin the next day with even less energy.
The Spoonie Life has been claimed by many people living with chronic illness, well beyond just lupus. Most spoonies will agree that spoons are replenished with quality sleep and nutrition. For those whose particular illness makes sleeping or eating difficult, it can be even harder to replenish the spoons.
The Spoon Theory has some great strengths:
It’s easy to visualize a handful of spoons.
Everyone can understand units of energy and what it feels like to run out.
It makes visible many “invisible” illnesses.
I really want to love the Spoon Theory. But I have a few problems with it:
It’s a bit too simple. The variables of each “invisible” illness are many and complex. Explaining energy limits alone doesn’t make a person more visible in their suffering.
Many illnesses include flare-ups or cycles, seasons of fatigue and seasons of wellness. It’s difficult to explain to a friend that today you only have 6 spoons when last week you had 12 spoons.
It doesn’t celebrate a trajectory of recovery and health. I believe strongly that each little victory should be celebrated. So, even with an illness that will never be cured, I prefer to look for the small wins and whoop it up big. If it’s possible to gain an extra spoon, let’s celebrate that. But I’m not sure there’s room for extra spoons in The Spoon Theory.
Finally, and most importantly, The Spoon Theory excludes a portion of humankind that don’t live with chronic disease (let’s call them “healthy”) and I think that’s just wrong. The Spoon Theory assumes that only chronically ill people have limited energy and a need to pre-plan how to spend it. But the reality is that we all live with a finite amount of energy each day, a finite number of spoons, and when we empty them all, suffering is the result.
In fact, as finite beings, all of our resources are finite and we are entirely in need of help. We cannot manufacture what we need on our own.
we need nutrition made by sunlight and water and minerals, etc.
we need grace
we need unconditional love
we need forgiveness
the list goes on.
GOD IS OUR SUFFICIENCY
During the recovery period after each of my surgeries, it was very difficult to fight a feeling of defeat. Everything took so much energy. Using the restroom. Taking a shower. Getting dressed. By the time I did all that, I needed a nap.
I fought thoughts like, “Geez, last week, literally just last week, I was walking the dog and grocery shopping and driving the kids to school. Now, I’m struggling to stay awake long enough to eat my lunch.” I felt so useless.
On the one hand, being ill makes it painfully obvious how vulnerable our bodies are and how weak we can become. Our abilities, our gifting, our choices, and our effort are never enough. Living in a weak body is a daily reminder of that.
On the other hand, illness is an opportunity to be reminded that what we really need is Jesus. Literally, ALL we need is Jesus, because he is all-sufficient in himself. He is the source of everything we need.
“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God.” - 2 Corinthians 3:5
Let’s pause here for a moment and return to the idea that we are ALL finite beings. Moms run out of energy as they care for children, make meals, run errands, and generally keep the whole enterprise running, usually while also missing a meal here and there. Dads run out of energy after a long day of meetings, and paying bills, and picking up the last kid from soccer practice. Children run out of energy which requires more energy from Mom and Dad to support and regulate through the child’s exhaustion. I’ll stop there ‘cuz you get my point.
Running out of energy is universal, no matter how much or how little we begin with.
The Bible makes clear that God is all we need, for every need, be it physical or emotional or spiritual. Our circumstances may not change, we may never be cured, we may never get that beloved afternoon nap while the baby is asleep, but with God’s presence, we have all that we need to endure our circumstances.
He will give us his strength to endure. His is our refuge in the storm. - Ps 46
God has no limits thus he is capable to fully equip his children for every circumstance he allows or calls them to live out. He can provide the support, the resources, the training, the tools, and the energy needed for living the life he has called us to live.
He holds us together, sustaining us in our weakness. - Acts 17:28
LIVING OUT OF GOD’S SUFFICIENCY
Trusting in God’s sufficiency means looking for ways to glorify him within the circumstances we live in. It means not worrying about how many spoons we have, but focusing on the one most important spoon.
The Westminster Shorter Catechism’s first question is:
What is the chief end of man?
The answer is:
Man’s chief end is to glorify God, (Romans 11:36) and to enjoy him for ever. (Psalm 16:5-11)
This means, if we are only given one single spoon each day, there is only one single proper use of it, to glory God and enjoy him forever.
During my recovery, there were many days when the only thing I got done was going to the bathroom and eating four bites of food, and that was ok. I could still talk with Jesus in my head while I fell asleep, praising him for keeping me alive. If that was my entire day, so be it. It was enough.
Whether we have 12 spoons or 100 spoons, we still end up with a pile of empty spoons at the end of the day. None of us can refill them out of our own resources. We need an all-sufficient God.
We all live in need of God.
So, instead of focusing on the number of spoons, let’s focus on the most important spoon and the One who refills them all. Let’s use whatever energy we have glorifying God however we can.
whether it’s from a bed or a stage
whether it’s alone at home or in a crowd at work
whether it’s with weak bodies or healthy bodies
I know this is possible. Have you ever heard Joni Eareckson Tada sing? Joni is a paralyzed, wheelchair bound and 100% dependent on others to meet her needs. She can’t move her arms or legs, but she can sing. And it’s a beautiful sound.
I have seen her take a huge breath and belt out the most beautiful hymn, worship emanating from her face like sunlight.
I have no idea how many spoons Joni would say she has, but I know how she’d use one if one was all she had. She’d worship Jesus.
Let’s decided right now, to start from our need, acknowledging that we can’t live this life in our own strength. Then, let’s worship the One who meets every need. How does that sound?
What’s one way you can use your energy to worship God today? Leave your answer in the comments.
Hey you, #Spoonie! I’ve got 17 Quick Resources to encourage you. These articles and podcasts will take you from discouraged to hopeful in 0-30 minutes (depending on what you pick).
I’ve been where you are. These resources will help you find hope, right now.
