Putting Pain in Perspective

Caring Bridge Journal Entry  — Mar 2, 2018

Yesterday, I had a follow up appointment with the surgeon. No new complications. All good news. My recovery is right on track. Then he said, "It's time to start pushing yourself." And by that, he meant "more walking." So I walked back to the car (instead of using the wheelchair) which was BY FAR the longest walk I've taken since surgery.

At first it felt great. But by the end of the day, the pain had snuck up on me and I was miserable.

Today was not a good day. I "pushed myself" and walked in the backyard twice but I felt yucky the whole day. I was paying for the effort of walking yesterday.

So that puts the last four days into a pattern of good day, bad day, good day, bad day. I'm hoping that pattern stretches out soon.

It's tough because every single post-op symptom I've got will get better with more walking. But walking wears me out and brings on the pain. So, the pain is part of the recovery process.

And so, I've got to put pain into a new perspective.

A song by Sara Groves has been playing in my head as I've been wrestling with this new challenge.

I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain

That broken find healing in love

Pain is no measure of his faithfulness

He withholds no good thing from us

No good thing from us, no good thing from us

I will open my hands, will open my heart

I will open my hands, will open my heart

I am nodding my head an emphatic yes

To all that You have for me

("Open My Hands", by Sara Groves)

My pain isn't bad. It can't be if it's part of my recovery process. It's just a piece of the journey. I've got a path before me that I must walk. No one can do it for me. And I carry the pain with me on the path. I cannot put it down. So I need to see it as a thing of beauty, not as a thing of ugliness. Pain is my handful of flowers in this season. That's my new perspective.