Doctors, Doctors and More Doctors
Caring Bridge Journal Entry — Mar 28, 2018
This week, I saw four doctors. The consensus is that I will continue to have small bleeds in my lungs and that we will have to learn by experience when a bleed is bad enough to rush to the hospital. If a bleed is bad, we must rush to the hospital. There is no alternative.
This is not happy news but we were expecting it. God had prepared our hearts to hear it.There was good news: my oxygen levels are good. My 3/4 lungs are working just fine. :)
In the realm of "If it's not one thing, it's another".... my stamina is not improving. In some ways, I feel more fatigued than a week ago. So I had more tests and we discovered that my heart rate is spiking when I move around. Not good. I'm not sure if this will lead to more doctors. Time will tell. But as one doctor put it, I'm "still recovering from major surgery. Your heart is just responding to the anemia and decreased lung capacity. Take it easy for another 6 weeks.
"Six weeks! I've heard that before.
Now, another six weeks.
My heart wants to relish Spring Fever, chase my kids as they hunt for Easter Eggs, plan a meal AND MAKE IT, plot out our summer vacation, buy a new swimsuit and generally get on with life. My IR doctor looked me in the eye and said, "I think you are past the "ticking time bomb" phase. It's time to go about living your life." I want to do that so bad. I want to go about living life. We'll never get back to normal as we knew it, but we can make a new normal. Just not yet. My body cannot keep up with my heart.
Six weeks. It's hard to be patient.
Let's talk about the new normal. The new normal includes back-up plans and lots of support. While Junior was a super-star when he called 911 that first fateful day at the park, we cannot expect that from Little #2, whom I spend the most alone-time with. So, now I've got a (cute) medical alert bracelet. And, for now, I am never alone. (Although that will have to change at some point...just waiting on my stamina.) As one amazingly pragmatic girlfriend put it, "Ok, so we all watch out for you and create emergency plans so we can all help." It doesn't seem to be shaking my community.
It is humbling to be me right now. My body is failing me but my friends are not. For the past two months, every need we have had has been met through PEOPLE. Through God's people, our family, our community. Isn't that the way it's supposed to work? (Romans 12) I used to wonder what it would be like to live through a real apocalypse. To be forced to be dependent on my community when self-reliance wouldn't be enough. Now I know what it looks like. It looks like God's church, supporting me and my family. Right now and with no end in sight. I am so grateful to be in the center of that kind of love.