I regretted not grabbing a thicker sweater the second goosebumps rose on my arms and my body began to shake. Chris draped his jacket over my shoulders, then moved strategically to block the chill wind. The temperature dipped with the sun’s last rays. At just the right moment, my sister, our photographer, shouted and we all ran toward the waves. “Run forward!” And we did. “Now back up and do it again when I say, Go!” And we did. My daughter’s giggle and the squawking of seagulls mixed with the roar of the ocean into a sunset soundtrack.

The resulting photo captured five sets of toes caked with wet sand, jeans soaked to mid-calf, and smiles on every face. As much as I love that photo, when I look at it now hanging on our living room wall, I think, where did that girl go? 

I remember that girl, but I don’t feel like her.

Disoriented

Last month, we visited the same beach. The kids spent hours boogie boarding and snacking while I sat on a blanket. From my position, I could see the lifeguard station we piled onto last year for one last photo before sundown. I tried not to look and remember.

Remembering spurred feelings of sadness, and I didn’t want to feel sad in the midst of our lovely beach day. Looking at the lifeguard station reminded me that I can’t climb a ladder. I can’t run in the waves. If we tried to reenact that Golden Hour photoshoot now, I couldn’t do it.

I’m not the same girl in the photo.

And yet, I am.

The circumstances of my injury have left me feeling disoriented, bewildered, and as my gym coach says, “Off my vibe.” Who am I if I’m not who I was?

The Heart of Christ for the Disoriented and Lonely

Suffering is perplexing. It sets us in circumstances that are difficult to comprehend. In our disorientation, we might struggle to accept our new circumstances. We may be tempted to believe that no one can understand. 

That is a lonely place to live.

And it’s not true.

The Bible clearly teaches that Christ understands us in our suffering, whether our trouble is physical, mental, emotional and or when it is hard to articulate just what the trouble is. 

“We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15 

Dane Ortlund says, ”The reason that Jesus is in such solidarity with us is that the difficult path we are on is not unique to us....He knows what it is to be thirsty, hungry, despised, rejected, scorned, shamed, suffocated, tortured, and killed. He knows what it is to be lonely.... Our tendency is to feel intuitively that the more difficult life gets, the more alone we are. As we sink further into pain, we sink further into felt isolation. The Bible corrects us. We are never alone. That sorrow that feels so isolating, so unique, was endured by him in the past and is now shouldered by him in the present." 

It is comforting to know we are never misunderstood or alone. Each new facet of suffering deepens our understanding of Christ’s heart. As we learn more of his character, it becomes easier to rely on his presence with us in the perplexity of suffering.

Find Hope

In a sea of disorienting circumstances, remember: in Christ, you are fully understood and never alone. You are not lost at sea. Like a lifeguard on his tower, he sees you, ready to be your buoy and tread water with you. 

Hope is found in the presence of Christ with you.

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